Shift Competition to Confidence | by Jaclyn Lanae
Soul Craft | It’s likely you’re already more aware of the energetic information coming in than you realize.
Soul Crafting is the conscious refinement and realignment of our energy and, as we discussed last month, the crafting begins with awareness. With sensing energy: the energy within us, and the energy of the outside world. Once we are aware of both, we can begin to explore how one informs the other, and how we would like to craft ourselves differently (or, perhaps, just more ;)).
The world around us - our lives and our experiences within them - is filled with mirrors, clues, and nudges toward the work our soul self wants to do, the energetic shifts it wants to make in order to shift the much bigger energies of the outside world. Every time we experience a conflict with a friend, or find ourselves having the same discussion with our partners, or catch ourselves narrating a victimized story about what isn’t working in our lives, we’re being offered an opportunity to go a little deeper within, and heal. To do a little Soul Crafting. And that starts by asking two questions: “What am I really feeling?” And “What could this experience / person / situation be teaching me?”
Nudges: Recognizing Energetic Shifts and Wounds in Relationships
Every experience has an energy, and the more tuned in we are to ourselves, our bodies, and how our energy normally feels, the more we’ll be able to pick up on the energetic information available in the outside world.
It’s likely you’re already more aware of the energetic information coming in than you realize. It happens every time you’re at a party and someone makes an unsavory comment that shifts your energy (and likely the vibe in the whole room). It happens in those moments when you can feel your friend or partner shut down or close off when a sensitive topic comes up, even if they continue to converse. It happens when you walk into certain spaces and immediately feel a sense of drawing within or a subtle desire to run - or a desire to open up, smile, and engage.
Very often, our relationships are the places where we most easily sense shifts in energy. Romantic, platonic, professional, communal… our bonds and interactions with other humans are the most common stages on which our energies are exposed and our wounds are revealed. They are the mirrors of our lives. They show us what hurts, and then invite us to ask why.
Painful, perhaps. But in the safety and care of other humans who don’t judge us but love us, humans who easily make space for our imperfectness because they are aware of their flaws and projections, our bonds will grow stronger and our wounds will begin to heal.
For this very reason, communities of women are so especially important. We need our best friends, our sisters, our mothers, our aunts, and cousins (I’m referring to chosen family here) to welcome us into a shared space and protect us when we’re healing and vulnerable - just as we will do for them. Very often, of course, these are also the same people who will expose our wounds. Unintentionally, of course. And that’s where we can turn up our energy sensing, peel back the bandages, and address what’s really underneath.
Teachers: Unpacking "Frenemies" and Patriarchal Conditioning
I would wager that almost every woman has, at one point or another in her life, experienced a frenemy. Whether it’s in an isolated interaction or an entire relationship which is subtly defined by this energy, we’ve all been in associations with another woman that just feels… unsettled. Off. Not entirely safe. It isn’t that we feel like this woman will actively try to hurt us; we may even be well aware that she legitimately loves us and absolutely has our best interest at heart. There’s just a pervasive feeling that there’s something else there. Something… unhealed.
Given patriarchy’s incredibly successful campaign to pit women against each other, I think it’s safe to say that at least in some situations where there is conflict between female friends, the feelings under it are often rooted in competition. Feelings of anger or resentment or superiority. Perhaps because our friend is more aesthetically celebrated according to patriarchal beauty standards. Or because her husband is wealthier or more doting or more widely respected. Or because her children are more successful.
We feel a welling up of an energy that we know is not our own “normal” and we hear a chorus of blaming or shaming narratives in our mind. Because she “bought into” the system and relies on her husband’s money. Or because she took a pill and lost 30 pounds. Or because she wears low-cut tops or short-shorts.
The energy shift that we sense is the first indicator. When we know ourselves and our own energy well, it’s easy to notice when a different energy has joined the chat. An energy that feels darker, denser, more acrid. One that is somewhat uncomfortable, even for us. It probably feels constricting in some way and we might even be embarrassed to acknowledge that we feel it. That energy, especially when accompanied by feelings of blame or superiority - is often an indication that an old wound has been touched. And with open-eyed awareness, we can investigate and heal it.
Jealous-ing
Often when we feel these darker energies, there are deeper feelings beneath - feelings we may even turn on ourselves. Perhaps we feel a sense of shame that we don’t have her beauty, or guilt that we don’t have her ambition, or resentment that we don’t have her sexual liberation. We may even feel superior to her, or so shamed by our own perception of our inadequacies that we feel we have to make ourselves superior in order to have value. Our ego protects us from feeling shame by telling us that we’re better because we earn our own money, or that we’re too smart to wear sexy clothes, or that we’re better mothers because we didn’t push our kids too hard.
Which suggests that the truth is, we’re angry at or ashamed of ourselves. And it isn’t our fault because we’ve been programmed by patriarchy’s bullshit messaging.
Why should we care if another woman has a certain size or shape of body, what she wears or doesn’t, how she cares for herself or her body or her skin? We know, intellectually, that her aesthetic appeal has no bearing on her value as a human - not outside of societally dictated standards - and we can wholly opt-out of those.
Regardless of what she does or doesn’t do, if she is traditionally beautiful, why can’t we just be happy for her? Perhaps she gets up every morning at 4 a.m. to run for two hours. Or perhaps she hasn’t eaten a gram of sugar in two years. Or perhaps she spends two hours on her skin care every day. Or perhaps she had reconstructive surgery.
Why would it matter where her money comes from or how she spends it? Why should we care if her children grow up to be the most brilliant minds in the world?
Turning: Re-Embodying Our Humanity and Self-Acceptance
From a soul craft perspective, we don’t. When we are connected with the spirit, the energy body of who we really are on a soul level, there is abject apathy for what anyone else does or doesn’t have, do, make… we don’t care because it doesn’t have any bearing on their value in the world or on ours. Bodies are gloriously unique vehicles with which to travel around, money is cotton paper with a flimsy belief system attached, clothes and makeup are artistic expressions, and no other soul - even those of our children - defines our value.
Taking the time to quietly evaluate the energy and what we’re feeling allows us to gain a better understanding of ourselves and with whom we’re really angry. Because at least in some cases (if not many) what we’re feeling are programmed responses to a societal dictation that says that we are supposed to be… different. We’re supposed to be everything. At all times. For everyone else. And competing with each other to be the best everything at all times for everyone else.
What we’re really pissed at is a capitalist patriarchal system that reduces us to a tool. One that says that certain external characteristics mark our value. The answer, then - or one of them - is to re-embody our humanity. Celebrate our human-ness - our beautifully flawed, perfectly imperfect, human-ness. Find the bliss of being. Of being us. This is the work we will practice in the Soul Craft Circle (details below) where I’ll share tools and exercises that we can use on our own, in private, to come back into our bodies and rediscover the pleasure of living. Because if we can extract ourselves from the externally dictated qualifiers of our value, we can liberate ourselves from the shame and judgement of ourselves and others.
Even when we think we’re angry with ourselves for not taking better care of our bodies or making more of our own money or being better parents, for example, it’s possible - if not likely - that we aren’t actually angry with ourselves. That deep down, if we gave ourselves some compassion and permission, we could see we are far more than our bodies and our bank accounts and our roles in society, and that we’re doing just fine, thank you. That we did just fine. That we’re doing our very best to survive and even take down a violent, extractive, patriarchal-constructed reality that constantly evaluates, measures, categorizes, and judges us, and we absolutely can opt out.
We can shift our energy into one of profound joyful acceptance of ourselves and those around us. (Those that are not actively trying to do us harm, obviously.) We can notice when our energy changes, and take control, make adjustments. We can craft our souls to celebrate rather than judge or shame, to live in gratitude rather than resentment or blame. We can, in fact, enjoy celebrating other women because it does, indeed, feel amazing, even relaxing to do so.
We can teach our ego-narrator to tell us true stories about what wonderful humans we are. What generous and supportive and kind and creative and funny and compassionate humans we are. We can program the supercomputers we carry around inside of us to be happy for and supportive of others because they are beautiful, flawed souls working right alongside us, in the way they believe is best for them, to create a better reality for us all.
Judging and shaming ourselves and each other as more or less is patriarchy’s work, and they’re doing far more than enough of it. Let’s leave it to them, shall we? Let’s focus on how we can celebrate ourselves and each other, and work together on making our world a better place for all.
The Pitch ;-)
For those interested, Thursday, the 25th of June, our Soul Craft Circle on the Medusa Rising Discord channel will focus on the ways we can do the re-programming work to move ourselves out of a place of judgement - whether of ourselves or of others - and heal together so we can be a greater force of good in the world. If you happen to be a paying subscriber, you already have access to that support! If you would like to become a paying member and get that perk (plus LOTS more), you can join us here.
We also have a load of rad merchandise for all the proud, misfit, warrior, Gorgon women that are working together to do this incredible work in themselves and in the world. Find your new favorite T-shirt, mug, sticker, or button at our shop.
Jaclyn Lanae is an embodiment coach, author, and freelance writer who came to this work the long way—through experience, loss, and repair. She writes for people in moments of transition, helping them move forward without self-abandonment in love, conflict, & change. Follow her on Substack at https://jaclynlanae.substack.com/ or connect at AuthorJaclynLanae.com.
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